Northern rock: Bring on the beard
Friday, 12 Oct 2007 09:59
Hair today... gone tomorrow?
Across much of the northern hemisphere last weekend, Guinness and Gauloise were being held aloft in tribute to the achievements of some of rugby's most inspiring players.
As the world's two top-ranked teams, Australia and New Zealand, trudged back to the airport to make the grim journey back down under, it was the supporters of France and England who celebrated long into the night.
Amid the delirium and the despondency seasoned observers swapped their thoughts on the question which supporters of all sides were asking: how on earth did that happen?
Theories
Already some theories of substance have emerged.
The Guinness Premiership and the Heineken Cup are a knockout format. Unlike the Super 14 tournament played on the other side of the world, where you can side-step a bad game, there is no margin for error in the northern hemisphere.
The expansive game favoured by the Antipodeans is too high-risk - when it comes down to it, the grinding power game wrought from decades of rugby played in the mud and the rain is what wins games.
Or, more simply, the All Blacks are a bunch of bottlers and the Aussies were over-confident.
Yet if we look a little closer, the will to win seems to be linked to another factor. Facial hair. Beards, moustaches, goatees. Yes, beards and substitutes.
Gorgeous George
A number of the impact players of the tournament so far have clearly left their razors at home. Step forward England hooker George Chuter, wearing a lustrous beard popularised by the Greek philosopher Socrates and the eponymous Brazilian footballer. Making an impressive contribution in the group stages, while most of his countrymen were doing their best to book an early flight home, Chuter came on as a substitute in the quarter-final to add guile and good hands to a powerful display from the pack.
Looking across at one another, how the clean-shaven Australians must have squirmed as they saw Gorgeous George enter the fray, joining the grizzled bear and captain Phil Vickery in doing a demolition job on their opposite numbers. Sure, Chris Latham may have one of the most devastating line breaks in the world - but his two-day old stubble is not really a patch on the England boys and as for the likes of fresh-faced Berrick Barnes, well, it's not even clear if he has started to shave yet. His time will come in the next World Cup.
Seabass
One man who might stand in their way, however, is cult hero Sebastien Chabal. Seabass, or l'Homme des Cavernes (the caveman), can lay claim to one of the finest beards of the tournament, particularly in conjunction with his slicked-back-hair-and-thousand-yard-stare combo. Chabal's entry to the field rattled the All Blacks - and not for the first time. Anyone who saw his crunching challenge on All Blacks flanker Chris Masoe, when he left the back row forward literally unable to stand, will bear witness to the game-changing capabilities which were once again in evidence this weekend. Chabal, who can also add to his CV that fact that he broke the jaw of Kiwi lock Ali Williams when he was
carrying the ball, is an immense player.
Be 'ard with a beard
In the last quarter-final it was another bearded bullock who almost stole the show as replacement. Scotland prop Craig Smith's entry to the Argentina game, when a rampaging run culminated in the team's only try, finally breathed life into a sterile effort from the Scots. And who was there to keep them at arm's length?
Juan Martin Hernandez, a maestro at the pivot, and clearly a devotee of the goatee. The painstaking precision and ice-cold composure which the number ten has shown in front of goal clearly stems from a steady hand at work in front of the mirror.
Talk of disharmony within the Ireland camp and dark rumours of internal strife as the backdrop to the Emerald Isle's poor performance is wide of the mark. Have a look at the Irish player profiles. Not one of them has a whisp of hair below the ear.
A note of caution for those looking to enter the high-intensity world of international bearded rugby, however. It's not all about the look, as the All Black legend Zinzan Brooke explained earlier this year when discussing Wales' Six Nations effort.
Alluding to Duncan and Adam Jones, the distinctive fuzzy-haired and bearded duo who comprise Wales' front row known as the 'Hair Bears', Brooke argued: "Those two woolly bears need to get fit. They need to lose some weight.
"If you are going to stand out and have big woolly hair like that you have got to be able to do something, but I think those guys eat too many pies."
Indeed.
Nathaniel Bertram