The week in words
'How are you feeling, Paul?' is this week's most foolish sporting question
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Wednesday, 30, Apr 2008 05:28
Sportspeople say the funniest things...
inthenews.co.uk takes a look back at the last week, collecting some of the most insightful, sublime and frankly ridiculous things that our sporting heroes have come out with.
This week, Paul Jewell is depressed; Shoaib Akhtar is repentant; Frank Rijkaard is defiant; and Heikki Kovalianen is - amazingly - alive and well.
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"You wouldn't hold out too much hope, would you?"
Paul Jewell isn't exactly upbeat about getting the two wins needed to avoid the unfortunate Premier League record of the lowest-ever points total with Derby County.
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"I have a slight headache and a stiff neck, but apart from that I am feeling well and in good spirits."
Incredibly, this is the sum total of Heikki Kovalianen's injuries after he experienced a 27g deceleration (ten times the force exerted on astronauts at takeoff) when he hit a tyre wall at 150mph during the Barcelona Grand Prix.
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"I'll be realistic and say the advantage lies with Chelsea now."
Stevie G breaks with tradition (kind of) and labels Liverpool the underdogs in Europe.
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"He is 30 years old, so he's not young for a professional sportsman. We will see how it goes."
A spokesman for Castleford Tigers reveals one of the club's concerns over signing up Dwain Chambers on a permanent contract.
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"I have resolved to alter my habits to refrain from such incidents in future and I will obey the PCB rules and regulations."
Pakistan cricket's perennial bad boy Shoaib Akhtar apologises after his latest indiscretion - whinging about the PCB not giving him a central contract. But can a leopard really change its spots?
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"He has not learned his lessons and continues to flout discipline. He has harmed the chairman of the PCB, the PCB itself, his fellow cricketers and the nation. Team spirit is one for all and all for one; he hasn't demonstrated such spirit and this is apparent from his record."
The appeals board thinks not, apparently, as Akhtar's appeal against his five-year ban is rejected. Career over? Quite possibly.
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"The thought has not even entered my head."
Frank Rijkaard reacts to questions over whether he will quit Barcelona. He says he hasn't thought about it. But you can bet your bottom dollar the fans and the board are thinking about it now - no title and no Champions League in Catalunya is a hanging offence, allegedly.
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"It's looking odds against. If Dr Shinawatra was going to give Sven a message of support I think we would have heard it. It's not looking good."
Sven-Goran Eriksson's agent Athole Still isn't confident of his client still being at Manchester City next season. Such rumours make Athole a pretty penny though, so it might be worth taking his comments with a pinch of salt.
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"Sven has made an immediate and dramatic impact on Manchester City since his arrival, winning seven out of their first ten matches, completing the double over local rivals and reigning champions Manchester United and in line for their highest-ever finish in the Barclays Premier League."
The LMA basically voices what most Manchester City fans are thinking with regards to owner Thaksin Shinawatra's apparent decision to sack Sven - 'What the hell are you doing?!'
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"Maybe I'll get myself a Bentley, I've been wanting one of them for ages."
Ronnie O'Sullivan responds to questions about what he will buy with his £157,000 prize for making a Crucible 147 break.
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"Maybe I'll get myself a Ford Focus convertible, I've been wanting one of them for ages!"
Then Ali Carter goes and ruins Ronnie's big plans by halving the reward with a maximum of his own 24 hours later. He sees the funny side of it, though you wonder if the Rocket won't be just a tiny bit peeved with his fellow Essex boy.
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"Benitez was a coach I used to respect a lot. I used to believe he had class but he has seriously disappointed me. A great coach will never attack a player so meanly."
Ahhh. didums. Didier Drogba is hurt by accusations of cheating by Liverpool boss Rafael Benitez.
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"It is great for Paul to be in the final and it was a fantastic goal. I don't think you can expect him to score ten or 15 goals a season like he used to, but when he gets one like that it makes up for the ones he can't score."
Sir Alex Ferguson sparks a love in with golden oldie Paul Scholes (ok, he's only 33, but it feels like he's been around forever) after his winner against Barcelona in the Champions League.
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"You would have to think so. It is a shame, but nobody should forget everything that he has done for this club."
Frank Rijkaard pretty much admits that Ronaldinho will be leaving Barcelona this summer. Cue mass hysteria across Europe as every rich club starts a frenzied bidding war.
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Alistair Potter