A Complete History of My Sexual Failures
Chris Waitt lists the complete history of his sexual failures
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Wednesday, 02, Jul 2008 04:19
Directed by Chris Waitt, out now, starring Chris Waitt, Alexandra Boyarskaya, Olivia Trench, Hilary Waitt, 90 mins.
In a nutshell...
It's not you, it's me.
What's it all about?
Having been dumped yet again, aspiring 33-year-old filmmaker Chris Waitt decides to discover why countless girlfriends have chosen to be without his company by tracking down his exes with expletive-laden, sometimes heartrending and often moving consequences.
Who's in it?
Though he's billed as a film-maker, Chris Waitt's production seems to extend to MTV'S Fur TV, with the rest of his moviemaking exploits confined to sponging money off a long line of girlfriends.
We encounter numerous ex-girlfriends, from primary school sweetheart Dawn, to Olivia, to whom he callously gave the brush off, to Vicky, the love of his life, while mother Hilary stands by with comforting hugs and disapproving glares.
As an example...
"I seem to have put her off an entire race of men."
"I'm taking a guerrilla approach."
"A f*****g gorilla would have done a better job."
Likelihood of a trip to the Oscars
It's the type of documentary to garner word-of-mouth recommendations and shortlisting for independent film festival award panel but far too haphazard and amateurish to merit inclusion in the best documentary category at the Oscars. Though the dominatrix scene may earn a nod in 'funniest moment' categories...
What the others say
"Not a complete history at all, more a scatterbrained rummage through the sex life of an exhibitionist-masochist filmmaker. If nothing else, though, it's an enjoyable-enough stunt-doc." - Dan Jolin, Empire
"It's a display of gross bad faith both as documentarist and lover, and its subject probably deserves never to get laid again." - Mike McCahill, Daily Telegraph
So is it any good?
As a concept, it's intriguing and a brand of self-exploration that many of us would probably consider before realising it would spill countless worms from countless cans. Why anyone would want to pore over the remnants of past relationships, drag up previous pain and examine character flaws is curious enough, but to actually produce it for the cinema seems either staggeringly misjudged or rather cynically motivated by the realisation that nothing sells like schaudenfreude.
As it stands, Complete History... is a likeable enough documentary, pieced together in a manageable 90 minutes and full of enough humourous moments and cringeworthy meetings to make you look like a perfect partner in the eyes of your other half.
The main problem, unfortunately, is Waitt himself. A documentary isn't really needed to establish why he's been dumped so often, as just one look at him and his messy flat reveals a shambles of a man, dressed 20 years younger than his age and giving off the air of someone who doesn't just avoid the shower when he's at Glastonbury. Character-wise, he's little better. Interviews with the exes - including the painfully funny instance of a former paramour typing behind a curtain, with her name changed and voice distorted - reveal he deserved to be dumped every time, thanks to habitual lateness, lack of care for himself or his girlfriends and, in the case of Vicky, screwing up the best relationship of his life with reckless abandon.
More often than not, he's an unsympathetic narrator who seems incapable of listening to the lengthy list of reasons for his rejection and unwilling to improve or at least smarten himself up a little.
Still, the meeting with Vicky is unexpectedly moving, and while it's got an artificial air throughout, this is a mildly diverting documentary and certain to make you feel better about yourself.
6.5/10
Lewis Bazley