Boy Crisis: Tulipomania
Boy Crisis: Tulipomania
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By Matt Hallam. |  |
Friday, 02, Oct 2009 05:38
B-Unique, out October 5th.
In a nutshell...
Like a Flight of the Conchords version of MGMT. Except rubbish.
What's it all about?
Boy Crisis have been around for about five years now, and hope that Tulipomania will contain the "uncontainable, lashing together the bombastic blast of endorphins that is the music of Boy Crisis". These guys seem to do all the work for me, but nothing seems to be as succinct as that. Or self-aware.
Who's it by?
As mentioned, this band aren't well liked by Pitchfork, which called this lot "the absolute worst band in the world right now". Hailing from Williamsburg, Brooklyn, much like Scissor Sisters and other bands from the electroclash music scene, these guys probably couldn't get any better a publicity statement than that. After all, it's attracting plenty of attention.
Then again, in their own words, "Boy Crisis is a semi-cosmic cultural entity. Their spaced-out vibe is totally tubular. They are the conundrum of masculinity and youth." Kinda makes you hope they're joking, doesn't it?
As an example.
"You can do me up like Woodrow Wilson/Carry my children/Exit the building." - Dressed to Digress.
Likelihood of a trip to the Grammys
Not really going to happen.
What the others say
"Like Duran Duran if they'd come from the Bowery not Birmingham, or Palladium if they'd managed to get their debut album remixed by Justice before they got dropped." - Paul Lester, Guardian
"[Boy Crisis] are the absolute worst band in the world right now. Seriously. Think of every awful cliché about Williamsburg hipster douchebags, then multiply them by 100. Then take those clichés and have them play ironic "smoove" white boy electro R&B. There you have Boy Crisis." - That quote in full from Amy Phillips, Pitchfork.
So is it any good?
Pitchfork was pretty damning about Boy Crisis. There wasn't any real constructiveness in its approach, either, though you can hear pretty much straight away that this band are going to split people down the middle.
It didn't help that the website of the band was consulted before the review. And it isn't because the layout looks like it was designed by a 14-year-old boy on LSD through Geocities with basic flash. It's just so damn hard to gauge whether or not they're being strangely ironic when describing themselves as a "semi-cosmic cultural entity" or the "conundrum of masculinity and youth". Either way, the descriptions are certainly wrong.
There are a lot of themes embraced by the lads which work in other songs by similar artists, such as MGMT and New Young Pony Club, yet those groups both seem to have fun and not use it as a pseudo-masturbatory reflection of their worldly understanding. While Boy Crisis have a remarkable legacy already waiting in the wings, they just come across as consistently arrogant and self-aware, though it's completely unfounded.
The bleeping and blooping of synthesisers and standard beats can sometimes work together, though the collective personality of these guys seems to saturate tracks through the lyrics alone. Bohemian Grove is a cracking example of this; if anything, the guys sound bored throughout, yet use terms like "Bohemian Grove" to describe a supposedly cool setting where they're allowed to be so indifferent. The listeners won't be swayed.
MURDER MURDER MURDER - with the Brian Blessed-esque capital letters being a major part of the song's supposed charm, much like the following track BANG BANG BANG - is also just *awful*.
"We are a number of expensive chemicals/Animals, vegetables, minerals/Murdermurdermurdermurdermurdermurder" is the single line which makes you recline in your chair and seriously force you to consider what there is to get out of this offering. It just sounds like hate their lives, even if the over-the-top bass and tempo is seemingly trying to compensate. It doesn't. Not a jot. Quite the epic fail.
1981 is a tune which embraces the much-maligned George Lamb's airhorn obsession, except it's not used ironically or as a joke, just constantly. The woman who sings One Nine Eight One in parts of the track is the only person to sound more tired than Laura Marling's performance in Noah and the Whale's 5 Years Time. Maybe she's well aware of what the listener's getting. Who knows.
If this was the worst band in the world right now, they wouldn't even get a score. Still, they'll likely get a bit of airtime and it'll fit into clubs relatively well, even if it gets remixed to stop it grating so much.
Songs like Dressed to Digress are absolute dross and lyrics throughout the album are pretty shocking; in the shaking head sense, not the gasping way. I mean, really, "Let me love you like you're the s***, girl"? Repeated ad infinitum? Get bent.
Then again, some aren't so bad, in the same sense that standing on a nail isn't too awful because you didn't get tetanus. I could go into detail about the other songs, but none stand out as good. Well, less awful.
It's hard to feel bad about this lot and the wall of hate they face from the press. Still, negative coverage will get more people listening to them than mediocre or average reviews ever could. They're going to do well, even if people all agree they're shoddy.
Think of Flight of the Conchords singing something by one of their Williamsburg counterparts. I don't think even the comedy New Zealand duo could even come close to sounding as ridiculous in their approach to the genre.
Probably best to avoid this, then.
2/10
Matt Gardner