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 18 May 2008 18:19 BST

Weird world

Wednesday, 07 May 2008 17:13
A goldfish - good enough for the Premier League?
A goldfish conquers all, piracy angers the law and rugby strip takes on a new meaning in this week's strangest stories.

Residents of the Greek island of Lesbos have been up in arms this week, demanding the the exclusive rights to call themselves 'Lesbians'.

According to local man Dimitris Lambrou, residents of Lesbos suffer "psychological and moral rape" due to the appropriation of their name by gay women, the Daily Telegraph newspaper reports.

Given that he's a man, it probably doesn't cause him that much bother...

A New York man accused of selling stolen Gibson guitars received his court arraignment in a car park this week, as he was, at 500lb, too large to enter the court house.

Meanwhile, a number of Chinese motorists received a hefty, unexpected fine for daring to enjoy the view as they drove across a new bridge. More than 300 drivers have been punished for slowing down or parking to take in the splendid sights from the world's longest cross-sea bridge, according to local media.

"I just wanted to drive a bit slowly and enjoy the sea breeze. Is that wrong?" one driver was quoted by the official news portal of Zhejiang as saying.

In a story that seems to have been handed down from the cosmos with this very column in mind, it was revealed this week that a California man has trained his goldfish to play football and basketball and to limbo.

"There is mounting evidence that fish are more intelligent than people give them credit for," Dr Dean Pomerleau explained.

"With the correct tools and the basic promise of a food reward, fish can very quickly learn complex tricks - like the limbo, slalom or playing fetch.

"Now people in the market for a dog might want to consider a fish instead," he added.

And by visiting www.r2fishschool.com, you can learn too! Don't all rush now...

Another animal excelling itself this week is a 400lb Louisiana black bear who seems to have become a de facto security guard for a prison.

"I love that bear being right where it is," said Warden Burl Cain of the Louisiana State Penitentiary.

"I tell you what, none of our inmates are going to try to get out after dark and wander around when they might run into a big old bear. It's like having another guard at no cost to the taxpayer," he told the Kansas City Star newspaper.

And while a Chicago man fashioned his coffin in the shape of a beer can this week - ignoring the fact that it's a rather morbid thing to do and Pabst Blue Ribbon beer is hardly the creme de la creme of lagers - a Surrey fireman is facing legal action for flying a pirate flag outside his daughter's pirate-themed eighth birthday party.

A spokesman for Mole Valley District Council said: "We received a complaint about the flag flying outside Mr Waterman's house and are duty-bound to investigate."

Who complained? The East India Company?

And finally, the Austrian national rugby team - yes, they have one. Who knew? - reacted to their thumping 48-0 defeat by Lithuania by staging a mass strip in the latter's capital, Vilnius.

The 20-strong nude protest was captured on video but by then the defeated Austrians had scampered home.

Whether they got dressed before doing so is unknown... End of story


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