In Review

21 November 2008 23:45 BST

Celebrities My Arse! by Ricky Tomlinson

Published by Little Brown Books, out September 7th, hardback, 256 pages, £10.

In a nutshell…

Promising but patchy. Sporadically funny but ultimately listless (except the end, which is nothing but lists).

What's it all about?

Tomlinson follows up his successful forays into the world of literature, through his bestselling books "Ricky" and "Football My Arse", with his latest compilation of stories - this time about the world of celebrities. Although by no means the greatest literary work, the book has a host of comic tales and anecdotal ditties covering a whole range of celebrities, from the mundane to the marvellous. Tomlinson covers Hollywood greats and small-town panto stars in the same breath, lacing the tales with some well-worn material as well as some (though precious little, unfortunately) original content to boot.

It is not a flowing work of salacious prose by any means and has its highs and lows, though hardly any juicy, behind-the-scenes gossip. It's also difficult to read a good deal of it in one sitting, no matter how hard you try.

Who's it by?

Scouse-and-proud-of-it (and won't you know it by the end of the book) Ricky Tomlinson began his professional life as a plasterer. These days, however he has become more accustomed to the world of celebrity – a far cry from his days in prison on conspiracy charges.

Tomlinson shot to fame as much-loved idle dad Jim in "The Royle Family" and has since made a name for himself on the big screen as well as the small. Highly regarded in the industry, he is known as one of the most down-to-earth celebrities and a story-filled talk-show host's dream.

As an example…

"Spike [Milligan] brought the 1994 Comedy Awards to a screamingly hysterical standstill when a letter was read out from Prince Charles congratulating him on being honoured with a lifetime achievement award. Spike responded with: 'He's always been a grovelling little bastard.'

"The next day he sent a fax to the prince, saying: 'I suppose a knighthood is out of the question?' "

Likelihood of becoming a Hollywood blockbuster

Nigh-on impossible. A good proportion of the anecdotes in the book are of those who have spent most of their lives contributing to the great rat-race that is Hollywood and those mentioned in the book who are important enough will probably already have some kind of biographical epic already.

What the others say

On his stand-up show:
"Tomlinson has certainly lived a life worth talking about and this show allowed us to share his experiences" – John Anson, thisislancashire.co.uk.

On his autobiography, "Ricky":
"If there is a better written, less pretentious book by an actor, then I have yet to read it. Undoubtedly the showbusiness book of the year" – Independent on Sunday.

So is it any good?

In interviews and public appearances, Ricky Tomlinson seems like a nice chap - the kind of bloke you could sit and chat to in the pub for hours. Unfortunately this does not come across in written form this time. The jokes that are his own are cringeworthy (whether deliberately or otherwise) and too little of the book is genuinely amusing.

Admittedly any criticism of the style is a little unfair as this is more a collection of anecdotes that aren't his own than a platform to show off his prose; however the whole thing is just a massive disappointment. A lot of the best stories you will already know and the original ones are frequently second-rate and some tantamount to name-dropping.

Certainly the book contains some amusing bits, although only on about three occasions in nearly 250 pages do you find yourself chuckling out loud. Not a great return.

4/10

Alistair Potter